“Fibromyalgia is a pain disorder that causes widely distributed pain throughout the body. Without defining medical tests, fibromyalgia is diagnosed by evaluating symptoms, such as multiple tender points in certain muscle areas, sleep disorders and even digestive problems. The disorder can be debilitating and treatment often consists of finding the right combination of medications, physical therapy and coping skills…” quote found in eHow health.
Time is passing me by. I’ve found myself in survival-mode-over-kill. Did I miss out on the entire month of February? But I’ve been quite busy! I must remember to be grateful for what I accomplish. I mean, who says one errand a week is not good enough? Pusing myself to the limit: Doctor – bed rest. Warm bath – bed rest. One errand – bedrest. Shampoo hair in kitchen sink – bed rest. Nap. Eat. Sleep. Nightmares. Bed rest . . . I take responsibility for myself more than I ever have in my life. What I am saying is – sick girl or grateful girl – my life is my fault.
I can ask the proper questions – I feel it is ok, safe. What can a short conversation or a short dinner with an old friend hurt? I am finding my way as I learn to cope with different physical challenges. Another life lesson in my new life: a short dinner with an old friend is still allowing someone back in my life. Not ok for the new julie. (Damn, I miss the old julie!) But today? Today, some old friends do not fit into my new life. . . I quickly work to regain my balance. Just like a package stamped “fragile” as it is being sent out in the world, I too must be mindful of what I have surrounding me.
Yes, as the quote from eHealth says, “medication, physical therapy, and coping skills. . . ” they are the delicate balance needed for survival with Fibromyalgia. The new julie. Yes, I do indeed experience debilitating aspects of the disorder. I also experience beautiful endless heart-felt gratitude for every life lesson. I may indeed be a fragile package. (for now!) But if I surround myself with protective gentle people, I will arrive to my destination whole, complete and comfortable. I am me living my life to the best of my ability. Being alive is what brings the gifts of soul-changing life lessons. Being in this world brings me opportunities to help others, no matter what. It doesn’t matter how small my act of kindness may seem to me – when I am authentic – in return I become the grateful girl once more.