More lessons. March has been a rough one physically as well as emotionally. Two steps forward – one stumble back. Thank goodness a new month starts today and the peach trees are in full bloom. Yes, it’s been quite challenging with a few frustrating set backs with my health, but life is all about learning and becoming the best person I can be. And being the best person I can be means being the best mother I can be – best daughter I can be – even the best neighbor I can be. Right now, every thing in my world is different due to my physical health. Having the best job I can have, or a job at all, can not take top priority, or making the most money I can make, or planning a weekend get away, or getting my hair done plus a mani and pedi before I go out to a dinner party. Looking the best I can look? Not important right now. Not happening right now. Survival mode is what is the most important right now and that is when I must take notice of my attitude. I must take notice of having the best thoughts I can have with every passing moment. Yes, exhaustion over comes me and with it, depression. The heaviness of depression can lower itself on me with it’s dark thunderous shadow – but that does not mean I can not have brave and strong thoughts in my head. A positive surviving attitude.
While I’ve been living with my chronic pain and fatigue, forced to live the majority of my days at home, one lesson I’ve noticed, I’ve been blessed with a deeper level of compassion towards my fellow humans. Just like I must spend my money wisely, I also must spend my energy wisely, because I have very little of both. Now, over a couple of years into this, I can see how this is bringing out a depth of character I never needed to tap into before. Living with chronic pain continues, while at the same time I am surrendering and just beginning to learn to live at peace with my many food allergies. Every word on those food labels represents freedom or prison to my body. Gluten is in everything! So much to learn! And “xanthan gum” is made from corn?! No wonder my stomach cramps were getting worse again!
Too much time has floated under the bridge, and as a result my body is simply worn out. I will repair. I will heal. I will be patient, accept, and not give up on myself. It’s only been 5 weeks since I found out about what I thought was my last food allergy. Then, that crazy “xanthan gum”! It does some crazy things to people who can not tolerate corn. Ouch. Who knew?
I will show up again. I will have a life outside of my home again. And I will get to be a new and improved Julie. The best I can be. It will feel good to show up and be a part of life again. I am one of the lucky ones – I’ve learned that what kind of food or drink I get to have in my tummy is completely irrelevant – all I need is laughter in my soul, positive faith in my thoughts and God in my heart.