Tomorrow is Christmas Eve 2011. I’m looking forward with comfortable feelings of gratitude in my heart. This month has been full to the brim with constant reflection and growth. I’m able to discover and accept the unique and quietly powerful ways parts of the old me and the new me are beginning to intertwine and rest in my soul. Finally – a comfortable fit that is simply – me. My soul is who I am and where my authenticity begins to once more reevaluate and resurface in full bloom. This enables me to continue to grow and become the best woman I know how to be. It is the perfect fit that I have been seeking and longing for. Perseverance – never giving up on myself. My times of lost gracefulness do not sway me from my intended path. Never forgetting that I have everything I need while my body still has great discomfort on a daily basis – but this does not mean I have to live with out comfort and love in my spirit – and it does not mean the progress of my physical solution has not begun. I might not feel the result, but I know a solution has begun to bring healing to my weary body. I will have patience and faith.
I’d like to share my post from the holidays last year – I enjoyed revisiting the thoughts and reminders of the blessings of our sober family holiday.
Forgiving is for-giving my freedom back to myself.
last years post is below: Most of the alcoholics I’ve met in my life, drunk or sober, have been very colorful, unique, artistic, emotional and highly sensitive people. Add the holidays to the mix, and anything is possible.
And, it’s the holidays once more.
As I fell asleep on Christmas Eve, I felt my heart pounding in anticipation as if I was a child once more, waiting for the sunlight of Christmas morning. The thing is – while I did have childlike feelings of excitement and anticipation – however – it was for a different reason this year. It was because my son, his grandmother and I were all under the same roof for only the 2nd Christmas Eve in 25 years. The very first year being last year. To be honest, it wasn’t about waking up with them in my home on Christmas morning. It was about waking up with them in my home – period. As I fell asleep Christmas Eve, the fact that I’ve had many holidays with out my mother, with out my father, with out my brother and with out my beloved son, no longer mattered. I was allowing the natural joy of the evening drape itself gently around me and lull me to sleep.
I have been on my path – and that is a good thing. My alcoholism, my parents divorce, my divorce – what that did for me was point me to where I was supposed to go. To return to my intended path of authenticity. These obstacles in my life I now can look at as delays. That’s all. Like a delayed flight – it doesn’t mean I will not arrive at my intended destination. Just delayed. The years I allowed my son to go be with his father’s large family was what I wanted to do for my son on those holidays. Yes, my family is small – but we are mighty!
We woke up in the morning of Christmas Day in one home. It was lovely, sweet, special and joy filled. Love, hugs, gifts, laughter, good food.
Serenity could just be the ultimate high I was searching for, for all of those years.
Joy. Joyful. Joyous.
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