REPOST OF WHAT I DESPERATLEY NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF OF TONIGHT. I WROTE IT ABOUT 6 WEEKS AGO – LOOKING FORWARD TO ANOTHER REPRIEVE. YOUR COMMENTS ARE WELCOME AND NEEDED:
I took this picture of the early morning sky yesterday at 5:40. I had only been awake for a couple of minutes and to be honest, even though I have been living with chronic pain for quite some time now, the discomfort that woke me up literally took my breath away. I felt it starting to take over. I haven’t felt claustrophobia such as this since during my first few years of sobriety. Must. Get. Out. I headed towards my sliding glass door and pulled it open as fast as I could. The air was quite cold for an August morning – just what I needed. As I stepped outside the beauty of the trees surrounding me caught my attention. I was distracted by the sudden change in my environment. Or was it a sudden change in my soul? “This is so exquisite, so quiet, so perfect.” And just for that moment it came over me – I was glad to be alive. So grateful. So overwhelmed with the knowledge that I was acutely aware that I had everything I needed to get through another day. I have everything I need to give me the most comfort possible while I continue to regain my health. If I focus on my pain, all I can see is pain and discomfort. If I focus on the beauty and serenity of nature, I receive a moment. A reprieve. I am grateful that I am a sober woman who gets to face this time head on – and with courage. And what’s wrong with that?
Perhaps, just maybe, I’m in the midst of learning an awesome lesson and, just maybe, I’ll be blessed with a deeper level of understanding and compassion. Maybe I’ll become the best Julie I’ve ever been. The whole person I’ve always wanted to be – why not? It could happen. And just maybe these endless days of all the feelings of discomfort beforehand, are actually needed and necessary for me to become my authentic self. And needless to say, it would all be completely worth it. Yes, I have been living with pain – however – when I get a reprieve, I am joyful. Even if only for a few moments. But the moments can carry me through the day and into the night as I stand by for another reprieve. . . . And what a night it was last night at 7:55 as the bright full moon took over the evening sky.