Yesterday afternoon, I finally felt up to returning a few phone calls from last week. When my dear childhood friend Brian answered his cell, I was surprised how concerned he was when he said he had not heard back from me. I told him I was still not feeling well and I had really lost track of time. When I am not myself and under the weather, I do not answer my phone. It leaves me feeling like I would be a downer, or burden.
What he told me really surprised me – that he has been reading my blog and I do not sound like I feel that poorly and it sounds more like I am feeling a little better.
I try so dang hard to be positive and talk positive and remain hopeful that it seems to come across that I am much better. I had to sleep on it, but today I get what he meant, and he is right.
So – here is a factual recap (not complaining) before my update for today, Sunday August 7th:
Due to my chronic pain, my quality of life has dramatically changed to an unacceptable level. It has been quite brutal really. Plus, for the last couple weeks, evenings have become the most uncomfortable time of day. I feel my hope start to stray when night-time falls upon me as I realize I have waisted another day of my life. I hope I am somehow healing as I am forced to rest. During the last few years living with intestinal pain, I first started eliminating many foods from my diet, I went to many doctors, Western medicine, Eastern medicine, I had many endless tests, new tests, old tests, nothing was found, no one could help me. I felt weak and my blood sugar dropped constantly. I also went to a dietitian and tried acupuncture and reiki. I went to a meditation teacher who taught me meditation for illness and pain – then when I still felt lousy I did expensive allergy testing, more endless blood work, a naturopath, specialists, every upper/lower G.I. test in the universe, cat scans, MRIs, 2 bone density tests, 3 colonoscopies and a few other tests that I would rather not think about again. I’ve tried everything to regain my health and strength again except a witch’s brew with eye of newt. All of this while I was still sober, working, and my son had not yet graduated high school.
Now for today’s update. . .
I am only going to share a bit of info as I keep my fingers crossed: I went to see a different naturopath who graduated from the International Society of Naturopathy as a naturopathic doctor plus she is a certified nutritional consultant, etc. For the last 5 weeks, I’ve been on a new and pure organic food detox cleanse with special supplements. No sugar, no breads or yeast, food with growth hormones, no caffeine, no dairy, etc. for 90 days. I am following instructions and direction from my naturopath. Clearly, she is a natural health and wellness expert. I found her book last year and I related to so many unique symptoms that tears started to stream from my eyes. AND because my God is a very cool God, it turns out her office is only 20 miles from my home. As this new health detox and diet and my determination to regain my health unfolds, I will share more info. All I know is that it as been a rough road on this cleansing detox diet and I am drinking a lot of detox tea – but I am determined to follow her direction and see it through to the end. I pray there is life after “no-more-COFFEE”!
So – back to the “evenings are the most challenging time of day” thing. I’ve been miserable long enough in this area. . . .
Two days ago, I asked for help. I called a friend who lives about an hour from me and I’ll say it again – I asked her for help. I was at my wit’s end, I had no choice but to be honest. She knows of my health struggles, plus that I am still applying for jobs on line. I told her night-time hours can be more difficult, so that is why I asked my friend to spend the night. I was relived when she said, “of course!” She will be here tonight.
Since that moment 2 days ago when I asked specifically for what I needed – something incredibly comforting began to happen to me – I started to feel hope again. My despair was beginning to feel more bearable.
I was home all day for my birthday on August 1st and I received a bouquet of beautiful white lilies, cards and gifts. I felt humbly touched. To me, my white birthday flowers were a “get well, I have faith in you” message. I saw hope in the pure white of the flowers. I deeply appreciate the loving and positive gesture that was full of hope from the unique and special person in my life that sent them to me.
On August 2nd I had my 24th anniversary without a drink. I quietly felt blessed and overwhelmed that a new year has finally begun. How God has carried me through another sober Birthdays, I will never know. But what I do know is – I’ve never stopped asking Him to help me.
(check out my cat peeking out from left side of my b-day card:))