I am quieted by my sence of overwhelming gratitude as I reminisce on what July 31st means to me. Even with some physical health challenges that I have had, my gratitude silently orbits my entire being and comforts me at a deeper level. Misty eyed. In awe of my realization that I’ve allowed and accepted this present moment to be just the way it is supposed to be. I once more admire the trees, yet I see their brilliant leaves on every branch. I am acutely aware of every sound of nature joined by the distinct laughter of children playing outside in the warm sunshine.
Yes – it is my personal New Year’s Eve. My new year begins tomorrow, August 1st. My birthday. A day that also happens to be the day I had my last drink. That was a long time ago. Today is a time for renewal and continued dedication to my journey to my authentic self. A year that will continue my quest of following my custom made compass, a compass that I continue to follow as I forge on – full of hope, health, anticipation of new beginnings, while I let go of sad endings and as always, holding my breath as I keep a tight grasp on faith.
I do not have to become fearful because I am still unemployed. I do not have to become deeply depressed because I am not as strong and healthy as I wish I was. Instead, today, on my uniquely special day, I am reminded that it is time to stop, turn around, look down on the path that I have traversed, and see all the beauty and incredible sights that I have walked through. Perhaps I’ve made it through the roughest terrain of my life. But as I take in the sights of my past, I take a deep breath and I say, “Well done Julie. Well done.” And I say that with the knowledge that I have given my all and never gave up, did the best I could at each moment. I am then quietly reminded to hold my head high, take a deep breath, and proceed onward and upward.
I believe in the power of positive affirmations. Clearly – I’d much rather listen to my positive thoughts than my negative thoughts. But there was a time I did not seem to have a choice in what I listened to – it was mostly negative. Since true beauty comes from within, then beauty must come from positive affirmations – right?!
About a month ago I was pushing myself to get a few simple errands finished. I was becoming angry and frustrated with my weary tired body. I parked my car in a health store parking lot and I felt I could not find any left over energy to get out of my car, walk into the market and pick up some items. And what if there is a long line at the check out?! Nope, can’t do it. I sat in my car, closed my eyes and felt a big tear clinging to my eyelashes. The sound of the car that was parked next to me caused me to look to my left as it pulled out leaving an empty parking space next to me. And on the other side of the space I can now see the words that someone had neatly painted on the curb, “You are beautiful.” I read the words and felt they were being said to me, directly to me and the lovely words landed on my weary soul and punctured my sadness as if it was a cartoon bubble above my head.
I felt it. “You are beautiful.”
“Why – Thank you. I needed that!” I said out loud.
I got out of my car and walked inside the market to buy myself some healthy good food. And who doesn’t feel better after hearing a compliment and eating a good healthy meal?