During a chunk of my day yesterday, I was in quite a funk. I didn’t feel sick, but nonetheless, I felt like a rag doll. Do I dare say an “old” rag doll? I had made my to-do list, but, the ol’ rag doll inside of me had lost all motivation. You know – just like a rag doll would. If you ask me, I felt more and more guilty as the day slipped past me. My goodness was I listening to my head too. I did not like my thoughts at all:
“You are unemployed, you are not sick, therefore, you have no right to stay home. Must shower. Must get dressed. Must leave house!”. Before I knew it, night fall was upon me, “At least take a shower before you go to bed.” Then in the soft voice of a whisper, “You are an unmotivated, unemployed, loser.” Ahh yes, the seductive voice of king alcoholism speaking directly to me like an old-fashioned ship to shore phone call. It was an impressive, clear connection. No static at all. Well, isn’t THAT special. . .
Thank goodness a friend of mine called last night. And when he asked, “What’d you do today?” My ship to shore connection was still loud and clear in my brain and as a result, I heard myself reply, “Nothing. I stayed home in my robe all day.”
“Oh. . . Really.” (Pause.)
At that moment – at that pause – my personal ship to shore call from Ms. King Alcoholic thinking was dropped.
I started to think and have a conversation at the same time. I did a little recap of my day. Yes, I was indeed in my robe all day. But first let me say, it’s a gosh darn lovely robe! Yes, there are many things that I did not do. But one of the things I did not do was have a little drink. (I didn’t want one!) Actually, it turns out that I did a few things yesterday:
1) watered my iris and potted plants on the patios. (two patios, thank you very much!)
2) dusted entire home (moved and picked up stuff as I dusted, thank you very much!)
3) cleaned my bathroom mirror, leaving no streaks (but of course!)
4) finally found the remote control to my tv (lost it a couple of weeks ago – to my dismay I was forced to get out of my chair, take two steps and press “channel”.)
5) load of laundry (fold and put away load of laundry)
6) filled out yet another on-line job application (let the painful truth be known, it is really “an interview” application that I must send off to cyber space as if it was a message in a bottle being tossed off the end of a long wooden pier.)
Now, I do realize these items does not a day make. But, I did do something – as opposed to nothing. Yes, I have been unemployed for 14 months now. So I am going to shamelessly say it: even us unemployed need a day off! How long do I expect myself to have a fabulous, positive, the glass is half empty – er I mean – half full, good attitude? I did not realize I really and truly needed a day off yesterday. I believe it is called needing to rejuvenate. Needing to refill my spiritual bucket. Needing to be gentle with my self. And who the heck hasn’t loved a Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy doll at some point in their life anyway?