Even though this morning feels like long ago, now that I am tired and darkness has fallen on the day, I am finding myself quite full of left over resentment, hurt pride and disappointment. Simply put, right now I’m sad. Yes. I would say that sadness covers it pretty well . . . and disappointment. Yes. Disappointment.
I had a freak accident before I even got out of the twin bed on my loft this morning. How is such a thing even possible?! I am still putting the puzzle together like a crime detective. I have the 3 see-no-evil monkeys on my wall on 3 small shelves. They are next to my bed. (Please note: next to my bed and not above my bed. I was raised in earthquake country in California – I never hang anything above my bed).
As I was still asleep this morning, one of my pillows was buggin’ me, in my slumber, I must have felt it would be best just to give it a toss. Some how in that motion the pillow nudged the hanging vine, which nudged the small shelf next to my bed that holds the third 8″ wooden carved hear-no-evil monkey, which in turn made the wooden monkey silently slide off the shelf. My head was now resting “perfectly” on the very upper left hand corner of the bed, and as my eyes were still closed, the hear-no-evil monkey fell in a slight arch formation and gave me a hard conk on my left temple as if it was a coconut falling out of a palm tree. I saw stars as if I had just entered a cartoon horror clip. I had no idea who or what hit me. It was shockingly agonizing. Was an intruder in my home trying to knock me out? Deep confusion mixed with fear. For the next endless split second I froze and could not breathe. Unfamiliar movement across my forehead grabbed my full attention. I reacted by quickly sitting up. Blood started to stream down my face as it poured all over me and my bed. (All this before my morning cup of coffee?) I found my way down stairs, went to the kitchen, grabbed paper towels and held them to my forehead while I pulled my jeans on with my free hand. The hospital is just down the street and I managed to drive myself there. My blonde hair had turned red where the gash was and needless to say, I was still in my yucky bloody T-shirt.
Right now I just can not wrap my brain around the disorganization from the uncaring and unaware employees that I had to deal with at the emergency room hospital. And that lack of compassion began with the 2 valet guys not even looking up when I pulled into emergency parking, I waited a moment as they were still focused on what they were reading at their station. Furious and dizzy – I slowly drove ahead and parked my car myself in the valet parking spot. They watched me walk past them as I held my wound with my paper towels.
I was not looking well or feeling well as I carefully walked into the emergency room. The woman working inside the emergency room door looked blankly at me and said,
“Are you here to see a doctor?”
I became my father’s daughter and replied, “Did the blood all over me give you a hint?”
As I waited, the crowded emergency room started to give me a stuffy yucky feeling and I could tell I was surrounded by horribly ill people. Was it freakin’ flu season?An old tired woman next to me, got on her cell phone and started to yell at the poor person on the other end. Her loud voice hurt my ears and my head started to pound even more. I noticed empty water cups, crumpled paper towels, scattered newspapers and coffee cups all around me. Claustrophobia covered me like plastic clear sandwich wrap over my head and face as I once more watched the two people who were “working” the front desk sitting and chitt-chatting with each other as they disregarded all of us packed in the littered and stuffy emergency room. An hour later as I started to finally realize the seriousness of my situation, and with the now dried blood on my face and in my hair and shirt, I slowly got out of my chair and made my way to the bathroom where I decided to scrub up. I was stunned and caught off guard when I saw my horrid reflection in the mirror. Standing at their bathroom sink using soap and water, I proceeded to clean up but I couldn’t get the blood out of my hair because it had stained my bleached blonde highlights. Sadly that place felt so wrong to me. Clutter everywhere – no compassion anywhere. And with that, as I was walking out of that sorry place, I told the two employees who were STILL talking with each other as they sat at the desk, I was getting the heck out of there. Speaking loud and clear like my father would have, I said, “By the way, I’ve gotten better customer service and attention at Target down the street!” They both looked up at me and told me I should tell a nurse I was leaving. I reminded them that they had my name and to do it for me because they looked like they had the time and I was leaving to take care of my wound somewhere else.
My anger and frustration motivated me. Survival mode had kicked in and I was upset with my self that I sat there waiting for so long. But later, I realized I was still stunned from the freak accident that had happened while I was sleeping. Heck! I’m not even a morning person – especially without coffee.
So I drove straight across the street to the pharmacy. I was looking like an injured homeless person, but driving a nice clean car. I managed to find the first aid aisle and then I bought myself a box of butterfly band-aids and the guy working there said to me, “You have a great day now.” I swear he was serious! He did not even look up at me. So did he even see the gash on my forehead and the blood on me? I don’t think so. Another odd moment in my morning. Who cares if I looked like a bloody messy homeless person? Offering a little compassion never hurts – only helps.
As I went into the pharmacy bathroom to put the special band aids for cuts on my temple – I surrendered to the fact that only I was going to help myself – no one else. Quite often that is the reality of life. That is why I always ask God for care and strength and to show me the way every day. I cleaned my self up in the 2nd public bathroom of the morning and I took care of my wound all on my own and it only cost me $3.19. The two butterfly band aids seem to be just fine. Again – I took care of myself. I am responsible. And I will heal. The thing is – I did feel really lonely and separate – but not because I was home alone when this all happened. I felt alone because I was in two places of business – an emergency room and a pharmacy – and compassion was nowhere to be found. That left me feeling lonely as well as greatly disappointed.
As I slowly walked through that parking lot and carefully got back in my car, I made a decision that I need to do something to be a part of this community I live in. I will continue to be one of the caring and kind people, not one of the unaware and uncaring people. . . . Interestingly enough, at that moment a van drove right past me, it had big letters that said, “Food Pantry”. Wow, that was a fast hint. Is that what I need to check out? The Food Pantry? Is that a good place to sprinkle some compassion?
When I got back home I made a much needed cup of hot coffee, put on clean clothes and tossed the bloody clothes and sheets in the washing machine. I sat down at my desk. I felt like writing. My on going list of things I want to do or find out about was sitting in front of me. Written on a piece of paper under this list it said in my handwriting, “Food Pantry” with a phone number. I had forgotten that I wanted to find out more about this place so I could help out and be a positive part of the community. Yes indeed, I can take a hint, I’ll check out the Food Pantry and see if I can start to help sprinkle a little compassion around this place.