Most of the alcoholics I’ve met in my life, drunk or sober, have been very colorful, unique, artistic, emotional and highly sensitive people. Add the holidays to the mix, and anything sure as heck is possible.
And, it’s the holidays once more.
As I fell asleep on Christmas Eve, I felt my heart pounding as if I was a child once more. The thing is – while I did have childlike feelings of excitement and anticipation – however – it was for a different reason this year. It was because my son, his grandmother and I were all under the same roof for only the 2nd time in 25 years. The very first year was last year. To be honest, it wasn’t about waking up with them in my home on Christmas morning. It was about waking up with them in my home – period. As I fell asleep Christmas Eve, the fact that I’ve had many, many holidays with out my mother, with out my father, with out my brother and with out my beloved son, no longer mattered. I was allowing the natural joy of the evening drape itself gently around me and lull me to sleep. I have been on my path – and that is a good thing. My alcoholism, my parents divorce, my divorce – what that did for me was point me to where I was supposed to go. To return to my intended path of authenticity. These obstacles in my life I now can look at as delays. That’s all. Like a delayed flight – it doesn’t mean I will not arrive at my intended destination at all. Just delayed. The years I allowed my son to go be with his father’s large family was what I wanted to do for my son on those holidays. Yes, my family is small. But I now see that we are quite mighty.
Christmas Day and Christmas Eve was lovely and joy filled. Love, hugs, laughter, good food.
Serenity could just be the ultimate high I was searching for, for all of those years.
Joy. Joyful. Joyous.