I am thinking during the day about how it has become difficult for me to get to sleep at night. Last night I became anxious as I went to bed realizing even more that my body and mind will not be able to take much more of this. It is hard to not think about the elephant in the room. Is this becoming a self fulfilled prophecy? This has been going on for about 3 months now. Most of the day, I am in a deep fog. Averaging about 4 hours a night when I need 7 or 8. I remind myself that I am a recovering alcoholic and I must be careful now. It is so easy for me to become off-balance and then as a result, act out. I keep saying to myself, “this too shall pass”.
I use the saying “H.A.L.T.” quite often as a guideline for myself.
H.A.L.T. Do not get “Hungry”, “Angry”, “Lonely”, or “Tired”. If I do, then, “halt!” and take care of one thing that I am lacking at a time. I am close to being all four for the first time in a very long time in my sobriety. The discomfort is overwhelming as I desperately try to not be the low side of my own teeter-totter. . . . I turn on my tv set and what do I see? Someone on a talk show discussing insomnia! (ok God, I’m listening) He said there are 70 to 100 million people who suffer from insomnia! That makes this an epidemic! And they are driving cars? I know it has been difficult for me to drive. That is when I realize just how deep my fog is. . . . My body is worn out now. My mind is in a deep fog. I started thinking that I am sick. This is making me sick. I am pretty good at taking care of my self, but I can not do this on my own. Tossing around the idea of going to the doctor.
This is what I will do: 1) longer daily meditations 2) go to the doctor, have blood work done 3) make myself go on a walk 4) another cup of chamomile tea
I will get past this and I will be back in balance again soon. I am part of an epidemic. I am not alone. Perseverance is the key.