7 Apologies in 7 Days. . .

When it comes to the weather, I can reach a pretty decent level of acceptance.  It really doesn’t make too much of a difference to me if the sun is out or not, I’ve learned to simply adjust accordingly.  If it is raining, I grab my umbrella. If it is sunny and hot, I grab my sunglasses and a bottle of water.  Snowing and cold?  I love my long and cozy down coat with the hood. However, there is a different area in my life that I need to continue to practice acceptance – it’s humans! and they are everywhere!  I have been slacking.  Once more  I need to be better at acceptance and remembering to simply adjust accordingly.  It doesn’t matter if the human is driving a car, or working at the health food store, or someone I’ve known a few years – something has happened to my acceptance of “other peoples behavior”.  The thing is, it is not necessary (or okay) for me to have negative resentful thoughts, or be sarcastic or let them know my blunt opinion.  

As for my experience when it comes to growing and learning – the discomfort comes before the change.  My goodness have I had an abundance of discomfort – but I am feeling it is taking way too long for my next level of growing and learning to appear.  With enormous discomfort I clearly see I must continue with my redefinition of my physical capabilities.  A greater acceptance of my painful health challenges and where I am spiritually and mentally in the midst of it all. 

It is not an excuse, but, I’ve been living with great physical discomfort for quite sometime now.  I am admitting that living with chronic intestinal pain is finally taking its toll on me.  It has become all-encompassing.  I am house bound a lot.  The more time I spend at home ill, trying to get well and dealing with the pain, the more difficult it is for me to have any kind of patience with people when I must go out in the world again.  I am caught off guard by my attitude and envy towards others who seem to have tons of energy.  I have missed out on many days as my lifestyle has become comprimised.  I am under a doctor’s care and soon I will be seeing a naturopath.  I am seeking better health constantly.

I am learning first hand that I  can still live a good life with my physical pain, but, I can not live a good life without being on a level of loving acceptance  and being 100% spiritually fit and I must not let my faith waiver for even a moment.  I see more than ever the importance of this now - I am embarassed to admit I’ve counted that I have made 7 apologies in 7 days.  (Have I become a big grump?! But I don’t feel well!  Whaa!)  I am not loving this impatient behavior of mine.  Yes, I do not feel well, but, it is time to reach a deeper lever of acceptance as to just what my limitations are while I am doing everything in my power to feel vibrantly healthy once more.

This is the longest I’ve ever gone with out writing on my blog or my book.  I must not allow my funk to distract me because I’ve missed writing terribly – I am a writer – it is as if I do not have a choice but to write.  However, this pain is really bringing out the person I do not want to be – someone who I am not.  I do know writing is important to me.  And it has been an odd time for me living with endless physical discomfort.  It is a time of reevaluation.  It is a time of deeper understanding and acceptance.  It is time to step up to the plate – again.

I am so grateful that I am still sober – but this stretch of a time for growth is a mother!

Please let me know how you are feeling spiritually as well as physically today. . .

(photo of Omaha clouds taken by H.F. posted with permission)